Just Singin' in the Rain

Hey so I'm going to update all the time once this stupid semester is over. I'm a slacker, sorry, but slackers have to get real work done once in a while.

In the meantime, here's the most ridiculous picture I could find-

The Broke College Student's Guide to: Housecleaning

Housecleaning:

Are you serious? Broke college students don't houseclean. They're way too busy selling weed so they can buy beer. Who housecleans? That's for people with nothing better to do.

Broke college students version of housecleaning is as follows:
1. Kick your crap over to your side of the room so you don't piss off your meticulous roommate, who for some reason picks up after themselves. Imagine an invisible line between your crap- don't cross it, or else it either legally becomes hers or you owe her dinner.
2. Febreeze the crap out of everything. Eventually, crap on the floor acquires a "used smell" that is a combination of old sweat, dirt and a sweet smell of old beer.
3. If all else fails, sell everything.

Housecleaning.

Jaws

I saw Jaws a couple weekends ago at the Sunshine Theater in the Village. You've probably seen it, but it's the first time I got to see this movie and watch how the summer blockbuster was basically made.

But what stuck out with me the most was how oddly modern the costuming was. Check out one of our heroes, Richard Dreyfuss' Matt Hooper:



Look at him- wouldn't he look totally at home with any other hipster? (I was going to say "Williamsburg" but that might be extreme.) You'd have to see the movie to get a better look, but he walks around in slip on shoes, beaten jeans, a jean jacket and a sweatshirt. And that beard with the glasses! He's Indie Jesus!!!

And then Lorraine Gray playing Ellen Boyd, the wife of the sheriff, walked around the beach wearing this-



It's the slim cardigan from the Gap. I know that the Gap isn't really a signpost for what's particularly fashionable, but I think it's odd that a movie that was done almost thirty years ago is making the same fashion choices as a major corporation today. I wonder if Patrick Robinson was sitting around on a Saturday afternoon watching Jaws and thought, "Man, I bet that'd look good today."

Fast Food Nation

Chapter 3 of Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser, is entitled “Behind the Counter” and addresses how large fast-food corporations deal with their workers- most of whom are either teenagers, handicapped, or otherwise simply don’t need a job that pays a living wage. Schlosser discusses the interchangeability of each worker and how the corporations work towards a “zero training” program. Millions of dollars are poured into research each year, he claims, that try to figure out how to eliminate the training of a worker. This isn’t done for out of generosity or concern for the worker, or to help them become a better employee, but instead, so they can squeeze as much money out of them as possible. Employers receive “training wages” from the federal government, about $2400, for each new employee that they train. Restaurants work with a skeletal staff that performs mind-numbing tasks for barely minimum wage, and turns around and tells their employees that they enjoy doing it.

All this, of course, got me to thinking, “Why do I think, then, that I am unique to the Gap?” All of the things that I do each day- ringing up customers, helping them pick out clothing, folding jeans and panties- anyone can do it. Any loser that they pick up off the street that is willing to tolerate poor wages and worse hours is perfectly capable of hitting buttons and stacking clothes. Why do I feel like somehow I am special, unique and so necessary to Gap, Inc.?

Gap, of course, probably also pours millions of dollars into research to find out how they can make me feel unique. They probably send general managers in for “personnel training” to teach them how to manage each employee so that Gap actually seems like they care. Each packet that they give us reminds us just how much Gap loves their employees. I remember during training, we got this big newspaper sheet, decorated with pictures and captions, that gave eight scenarios in which Gap employees might need special care and understanding. There was the single mother whose child became sick, the man whose father died suddenly, the kid that joined the National Guard and was called up, and other such instances. And each one, we were assured, were granted special leave because Gap cared about their employees so much. Although they employee thousands of workers across the globe, each employee is so special to the Gap Inc corporation.

A few months ago, we took a “personnel quiz” that checked up to see if our needs as employees were met. Perhaps not surprisingly, the categories that my Gap store suffered the worst were wages, hours and “advancement opportunities.” The results, perhaps, are most poignant- even as hourly workers, we crave challenges and opportunities. Why are we willing to suffer the indignities and poverty associated with part-time wages at a retail store? Is it the awesome discount? Is the possibility of challenges and responsibility dangled in front of us like a carrot, even though we all know that ultimately we’re completely interchangeable with the next monkey that walks in the front door?

RIffTrax's Planet 9 From Outer Space

Tonight, Jose and I NERDED OUT and saw Plan 9 From Outer Space at Garden State Plaza. For those of you who don't know, RiffTrax is the new project from the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K as it's colloquially known. Starring Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, the crew basically continue the mission of MST3K to "riff" on all new and popular TV shows and movies. RiffTrax has a bit of a cult following with previous MST3K fans, or "Misties," and fans of satire alike.

Last night, for one night only, the RiffTrax crew broadcast live from a theater in Nashville, TN and riffed on one of the worst (or possibly, the worst) movie of all time, Plan 9 From Outer Space, directed by Ed Wood and "starring" Bela Lugosi in his last role. The movie features "aliens," "zombies," and some of the most terrible special effects that side of the 20th century, which makes the movie ripe for riffing. Apparently, the RiffTrax crew has already released their RiffTrack for the movie, but this time, they wanted to do it live.

The night was hosted by amiable Veronica Belmont, the so-called "Queen of the Internet" and featured John Coulton, geek musician extraordinaire. He played two perfectly appropriate songs for the event- "The Future Soon" and "Re: Your Brains" (the second of which was a bit of a sing along) (you can purchase his mp3s here). Rich "Lowtax" Kyanta from Something Awful provided "sponsored ads." When Queen Belmont announced the first ad, oh, we boo'd; but as soon as the ad for the THREE DAY MILL EVENT started up, we all started hooting and hollering for the next one. Then came the moment we were all waiting for- the three Rifftrax crew started riffing. The first was a short called "Flying Stewardesses" ("One of the only shorts in the mid-century that wasn't about personal hygenie or communism!"), then Jonathan Coulton and the RiffTrax crew sand and nose-whistled a tune about the other eight plans that came before Plan 9, and then: the movie. As I said before, Ed Wood's masterpiece of terrible special effects and worse acting is ripe for the crew's picking. To rehash the show wouldn't do the crew justice. You can buy the mp3 off of the website.

Before last night, I hadn't realized just how popular the RiffTrax/MST3K crew was in this area. The only way too see a show like that- one with such a cult following- is to see if live, surrounded by your fellow nerds. There was such an uncynical love for the three men that walked on stage. When you felt like clapping and cheering, they wanted to clap and cheer. It's like when I went to see the first of the new Star Wars trilogy and when Yoda pulled out his lightsaber, the entire audience stood up and cheered. You can't get that kind of energy and enthusiasm out of a normal crowd (especially becaus that's pretty much the only good part of the movie. Am I right?!)! It's like seeing a midnight performance of Rocky Horror Picture Show and everyone sings along and dresses up in costume- it's so hard to capture that energy, that positive energy, and when something like that comes along, it's so hard to describe to someone not in the know. That's what the RiffTrax crew, Jonathan Coulton, Veronica Belmont and the guy from Something Awful managed to capture that night- the sheer joy of laughter with your fellow nerds. I can't wait until September 23rd, when The Wizard of Oz comes out in theaters nationwide, and seeing that with fellow movie nerds. Maybe I'll dress up in costume. Who knows? It's just that kind of night.

The biggest obstacle to becoming an independently wealthy freelance journalist, as it turns out, is myself. Facebook beckons, motherfuckers!!!

Sonia Sotomayor

The COLBERT

I don't know if you guys think this is as funny as I do, but:

COLBERT Ready For Some Serious Exercise

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
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Stephen Colbert of the "Colbert Report" didn't get his name on the node for the space station, but he certainly got something out of it. Stephen Colbert and NASA were duking it out when Colbert had his audience members write in to name a space station node after him. I guess NASA thought that the name wasn't regal enough or something, because they refused his request and named it Tranquility (Sorry, Firefly fans, who voted Serenity into second place). As the video and NASA article shows, NASA decided to instead name a treadmill in the space station the Combined Operational Load-Bearing External Resistance Treadmill, or COLBERT. Colbert, then, was even more excited that his name would get to do something useful, or to use his phrase, "However far the space station goes, [the] treadmill will always have gone a few miles more." NASA was even more excited, apparently, for this opportunity to attract a new generation's attention. I don't know about that. What could NASA do to make kids more interested in their activities?

Met Gala

The Metropolitan Museum's Costume Gala is an event in which people are encouraged to wear their more unusual outfits. I'm sure it's great fun, but some people take the costume aspect a little too seriously.

Note Madonna's bizarre costume-

Is that a bird in her hair? Is that thigh-high platform combat boots? (Didn't that go out of style in 1997?) Gloves? I know that Madonna is known for her outlandish outfits, but this seems ridiculous. On the one hand, I want to say "You go girl!" She's taking the woman's privilege of dressing however she wants and taking advantage of it. I think I would forgive her if it wasn't for that ridiculous knot on her head.

Anne Hathaway looked stunning-

I don't know what is up with this gathered-at-the-belly look lately, but I really like it. It's very flattering and curvaceous. Her hair and makeup make her look like Kate Beckinsale, but both women are beautiful, so I am not complaining.


I don't have much to say about this picture except that it's pretty funny.

Jessica Alba is cute-

I love Jessica Alba's sense of style, but note the black leggings. Did Zooey Deschanel start a trend? My favorite part of this outfit is the pink clutch and the earrings. They just pop out at you.


I can't stand Renee Zellweger; she can't act, she's a terrible dresser, and those cheeks are awful. But oh! But oh! Check out that dress! The material, the cut, oh!


Heidi Klum sure knows how to make a photo.


Katy Perry is the new reigning queen of costumes. This outfit is no exception. Her eyes are comically big, she has Wonder Woman-esque bracelets, and what's with the bondage necklace? I love the color of the dress!

Women Are Funny Too!

One of the most frustrating and outdated sexist sentiments is the idea that women cannot be funny. It's true that when you look at a majority of the most successful comic stars, even today the field seems to be dominated by men. (See-this list of famous comedians through history. Only six out of the 67 comedians listed are women.) But why is that? Are women inherently not funny? When a woman such as Tina Fey or Sarah Silverman is successful as a comedian, why are we still surprised? And when she is funny, do we call her a comedian, or a female comedian?

Women, unfortunately, have gotten the short end of the stick in terms of many, many things. One problem holding back women is that for decades, women have been expected to be the ones who stay at home to take care of the children while her husband was the one who would go out and make the money. To do otherwise was to define the norm, and fighting that stereotype was very difficult. So women who are very funny would be more likely to stay home. Recently, with the second and third wave feminism, we began to see women break out of that mold. Nowadays, women like Lily Tomlin and Margaret Cho are breaking barriers for women in Hollywood. Perhaps with my generation and the generations after it, we can see more of an acceptance. Not only an acceptance, but perhaps, a sense of equality. She will be judged not as a female comedian, but just simply a comedian.

Free Comic Book Day!

The first Saturday in May (which just so happens to be today) comic book stores around North America give away free comic books! The event, which started in 2002, is cleverly named "Free Comic Book Day" and was created to encourage people to read more comic books and to celebrate each the unique nature of each individual comic store. Stores around the United States and Canada are giving away free comic books (the exact number depends on the store and the availability of free comics), holding signings, etc.

Feel free to go into any comic book store around the nation! The website has a box to search for the closest participating comic book store around the nation, FAQs, and a list of some of the free comics.

Speaking of comics, Emmy Cicierega recently posted an entry about one of the sponsors, Archie Comics, and a hilarious picture ensued:

If that actually happened, the world just might explode from hilarity and joy.

Ugly Dresses

Ugly Dresses is a hilarious amalgamation of the ugliest dresses found on the Internet. You have to see for yourself the monstrosities that people come up with.

Best Dresses:

The Hello Kitty Wedding Dress:

Actually, the cut of the dress is nice in a traditional sort of way. I think it's the sequins and Hello Kitty designs that do it for me. Oh, yeah, and the bubblegum pink. I wonder if the groom had to wear a matching vest.

The Antlers

I'm seeing a Japanese music video.

The Cream Puff Wedding Dress:

The description on UglyDresses is:
According to the news story I read, a baker in Ukraine baked his bride this cake from only flour, sugar, water, salt and caramel. He is either the world's best baker or the world's cheapest husband. The final dress weighed 20 pounds. Supposedly, the baker had to bring a horse and three pigs into their bedroom to eat the dress off of his new bride. This wasn't very hard because in Ukraine people keep pigs and horses in the living room.

But my favorite by far is the Preggo Prom Dress:

This is just the beginning.

Depression set in about 7:30. Suddenly all I could think of was the ways I had failed, missed opportunities and connections. The guys I never called back because I was scared. The employers I never contacted because I was sure they wouldn't hire me. I thought of what I did want to do- to write- and thought of how impossible it was to do that. I could blog, but who would read it? I could work for hard news, but breaking into newspapers or TV stations seemed to hard and ultimately, I only had the minutest interest in hard news. I wanted to write about my experiences and interests. I wanted to travel to Spain and have someone pay me to send them writings about my adventures. I wanted to be Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson and Diablo Cody all in one.

Researching how to have a successful blog told me two things- either advertise on websites or connect with popular bloggers so they would give you a shout out on their blogs, driving readers to you. Starting out in news seemed dreary and boring, writing about subjects you don't care about and local news that nobody cared about. In every single field I was interested in, it looked like every single person in America also wanted to do it. My cause seemed hopeless. Corporate life was inevitable.

But perhaps there was still some hope. Maybe I could get my act together and start blogging or writing. I could contact all the newspapers and magazines and ask if I could freelance for them. I could write down my adventures and sell them anyway. I could finish my short stories and try to sell them. I could write and make shorts to get them sold at movie festivals. I'm safe for another month here at college. I have tons of time. I can do it. I should do it. My depression banished, I began making plans for the future instead.

Eating

You know what I can't wait to do right now? Eat. I have coffee sitting in my stomach, knocking on the walls and saying "You know what would be really great right now? Eating. Remember how delicious that grease-ball of chicken tenders were at the cafeteria? You totally want that." My mouth is drooling in anticipation, which is slightly embarrassing because drooling when reading a book about superheroes just doesn't look cool. Imagine you're a straight chick, flipping to a page about Wonder Woman and suddenly drool emerges from your mouth with a hungry look in your eye. Just... it doesn't look cool.

Fuck Yeah!

There is a new phenomenon, and it's name is FUCK YEAH.

FUCK YEAH RYAN GOSLING

FUCK YEAH ANNE HATHAWAY

FUCK YEAH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS

FUCK YEAH JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Reviewed Before I've Seen

Knowing, starring Nicolas Cage (Matchstick Men), directed by Alex Proyas (I, Robot)

Nicolas Cage is not an actor that impresses. He has been described as a performer rather than an actor; this is probably the best description of him that I can think of. Because of his "breeding" and being birthed into a Hollywood dynasty, he manages to get fantastic roles that should go to a better actor; in roles that are actually necessary to act, he tends to look very confused, as if he stumbled into the wrong set. Do you get it? I can't stand Nic Cage.

That being said, watching Nic Cage in this trailer, I immediately got bad vibes. As soon as he started talking, I knew this was going to be bad. Nic Cage acting like he's thinking is sort of like watching a brick wall act like it's thinking. The plot sounds like it could be an interesting book about numerology, the way The Da Vinci Code is an interesting book about symbolism and art history. Watching the trailer I think about other movies: Mothman Prophecies, for instance. It's the same sort of conspiracy, heart-pumping movie that requires a lot of shocked and thoughtful looks from it's actors that just isn't very good.

Knowing depends entirely on Nic Cage to pull it off, and I have absolutely no faith in him. If you're going to see it, don't.

22.03.09 - Find of the Day

When I travel, I enjoy having everything I need in one place without having to switch around to various websites. Modern technology has made this easier; instead of picking up the phone and calling various travel agents or airlines to find the cheapest price, instead we can just log onto Hotwire or Orbitz to do the searching ourselves. Sidestep takes it one step further by searching airline sites and all of the discount traveling sites from all over the world for you, bringing the ultimate deal. Plus, when you do purchase your tickets, it takes you to the website of the airline itself rather than requiring you to purchase through their website. A great deal!

Searching is super-easy. When searching for a flight, you have the option of searching one-way, round trip, multi-city and weekend. For adventurous travelers like myself, the two new options of multi-city and weekend trips is a great tool. You can skip around the country with ease. I remember when I traveled to Europe four years ago it was nearly impossible to fly to point A and leave from point D; I had to take a train to get around. With Sidestep's search options I can go anywhere. The Weekend search tool is useful as well; I can find out what weekend is cheapest to go visit some family or maybe take a trip to London for an interview. It searches Friday-Sunday, every weekend, for my deal.

My only problem with this website is now, I want to travel everywhere, all the time now.