Fast Food Nation

Chapter 3 of Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser, is entitled “Behind the Counter” and addresses how large fast-food corporations deal with their workers- most of whom are either teenagers, handicapped, or otherwise simply don’t need a job that pays a living wage. Schlosser discusses the interchangeability of each worker and how the corporations work towards a “zero training” program. Millions of dollars are poured into research each year, he claims, that try to figure out how to eliminate the training of a worker. This isn’t done for out of generosity or concern for the worker, or to help them become a better employee, but instead, so they can squeeze as much money out of them as possible. Employers receive “training wages” from the federal government, about $2400, for each new employee that they train. Restaurants work with a skeletal staff that performs mind-numbing tasks for barely minimum wage, and turns around and tells their employees that they enjoy doing it.

All this, of course, got me to thinking, “Why do I think, then, that I am unique to the Gap?” All of the things that I do each day- ringing up customers, helping them pick out clothing, folding jeans and panties- anyone can do it. Any loser that they pick up off the street that is willing to tolerate poor wages and worse hours is perfectly capable of hitting buttons and stacking clothes. Why do I feel like somehow I am special, unique and so necessary to Gap, Inc.?

Gap, of course, probably also pours millions of dollars into research to find out how they can make me feel unique. They probably send general managers in for “personnel training” to teach them how to manage each employee so that Gap actually seems like they care. Each packet that they give us reminds us just how much Gap loves their employees. I remember during training, we got this big newspaper sheet, decorated with pictures and captions, that gave eight scenarios in which Gap employees might need special care and understanding. There was the single mother whose child became sick, the man whose father died suddenly, the kid that joined the National Guard and was called up, and other such instances. And each one, we were assured, were granted special leave because Gap cared about their employees so much. Although they employee thousands of workers across the globe, each employee is so special to the Gap Inc corporation.

A few months ago, we took a “personnel quiz” that checked up to see if our needs as employees were met. Perhaps not surprisingly, the categories that my Gap store suffered the worst were wages, hours and “advancement opportunities.” The results, perhaps, are most poignant- even as hourly workers, we crave challenges and opportunities. Why are we willing to suffer the indignities and poverty associated with part-time wages at a retail store? Is it the awesome discount? Is the possibility of challenges and responsibility dangled in front of us like a carrot, even though we all know that ultimately we’re completely interchangeable with the next monkey that walks in the front door?

RIffTrax's Planet 9 From Outer Space

Tonight, Jose and I NERDED OUT and saw Plan 9 From Outer Space at Garden State Plaza. For those of you who don't know, RiffTrax is the new project from the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K as it's colloquially known. Starring Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, the crew basically continue the mission of MST3K to "riff" on all new and popular TV shows and movies. RiffTrax has a bit of a cult following with previous MST3K fans, or "Misties," and fans of satire alike.

Last night, for one night only, the RiffTrax crew broadcast live from a theater in Nashville, TN and riffed on one of the worst (or possibly, the worst) movie of all time, Plan 9 From Outer Space, directed by Ed Wood and "starring" Bela Lugosi in his last role. The movie features "aliens," "zombies," and some of the most terrible special effects that side of the 20th century, which makes the movie ripe for riffing. Apparently, the RiffTrax crew has already released their RiffTrack for the movie, but this time, they wanted to do it live.

The night was hosted by amiable Veronica Belmont, the so-called "Queen of the Internet" and featured John Coulton, geek musician extraordinaire. He played two perfectly appropriate songs for the event- "The Future Soon" and "Re: Your Brains" (the second of which was a bit of a sing along) (you can purchase his mp3s here). Rich "Lowtax" Kyanta from Something Awful provided "sponsored ads." When Queen Belmont announced the first ad, oh, we boo'd; but as soon as the ad for the THREE DAY MILL EVENT started up, we all started hooting and hollering for the next one. Then came the moment we were all waiting for- the three Rifftrax crew started riffing. The first was a short called "Flying Stewardesses" ("One of the only shorts in the mid-century that wasn't about personal hygenie or communism!"), then Jonathan Coulton and the RiffTrax crew sand and nose-whistled a tune about the other eight plans that came before Plan 9, and then: the movie. As I said before, Ed Wood's masterpiece of terrible special effects and worse acting is ripe for the crew's picking. To rehash the show wouldn't do the crew justice. You can buy the mp3 off of the website.

Before last night, I hadn't realized just how popular the RiffTrax/MST3K crew was in this area. The only way too see a show like that- one with such a cult following- is to see if live, surrounded by your fellow nerds. There was such an uncynical love for the three men that walked on stage. When you felt like clapping and cheering, they wanted to clap and cheer. It's like when I went to see the first of the new Star Wars trilogy and when Yoda pulled out his lightsaber, the entire audience stood up and cheered. You can't get that kind of energy and enthusiasm out of a normal crowd (especially becaus that's pretty much the only good part of the movie. Am I right?!)! It's like seeing a midnight performance of Rocky Horror Picture Show and everyone sings along and dresses up in costume- it's so hard to capture that energy, that positive energy, and when something like that comes along, it's so hard to describe to someone not in the know. That's what the RiffTrax crew, Jonathan Coulton, Veronica Belmont and the guy from Something Awful managed to capture that night- the sheer joy of laughter with your fellow nerds. I can't wait until September 23rd, when The Wizard of Oz comes out in theaters nationwide, and seeing that with fellow movie nerds. Maybe I'll dress up in costume. Who knows? It's just that kind of night.