I'm only 24, fresh out of college, but my friends have already become two types of people: those who have settled, and those who have not.
The ones who have settled have accepted their lot. They didn't really aspire that much to begin with, finding value in relationships, wanting children and families more than adventure and travel.
The ones who haven't settled just are not happy yet. They still haven't seen every corner of the world, tried every possible career opportunity available to them, tried writing and reading and learning and teaching at every level. I am one who hasn't settled; I can see the excitement that the unsettled values, can feel it in my bones. God, of anything in my life, I want to see everything.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I think I'll quit ESL.
I decided, as part of my effort to become a better human being and move forward towards my goal of eventually joining the Peace Corps, that I wanted to start teaching ESL. Teaching ESL looks good on a resume to the Peace Corps (probably has something to do with them wanting you to, like, teach English abroad or something) and volunteering is good for the soul or something stupid like that. Anyway, I found an opportunity and started assisting a teacher at a local community center.
At first the experience was awesome. I've volunteered before, once at a local hospice administrative office (it made me feel like death) and a few times for a campaign (which varied from alright to crappy, depending on the company I kept). This was different; the teacher and the students were engaging and it wasn't too exhausting nor time-consuming. It's two nights awake, two hours a class. In the beginning, I was to assist some of the weaker students with just keeping up in class. The county had apparently run out of room in the "beginners" classes, and just started sticking students in the lower intermediate courses, where English just went over their head. One student in particular, Hakeem, grew so frustrated that when I tried to help him with the computer, he snapped "I no speak English!" which is pretty self-defeating. But I engaged him, forcing him to read aloud during class and dialoguing with him. Within just a couple of weeks, he was more comfortable speaking English and was able to practice on his own.
But now that some of the weaker students are more caught up, Kathy, the instructor, pretty much has nothing for me to do. I sit with one student who's more shy than behind and watch Kathy teach for most of the class. It could be interesting, learning English grammar and why, exactly, we phrase sentences the way we do; but it's not what I'm there for. I am there to help her teach. I am not a student teacher.
Additionally sometimes she flat out teaches the wrong thing. Just the other day she was teaching them about adjectives ("the green book," "the big chair") and started teaching them adverbs instead ("he jumped quickly," "she spoke shyly") which, if it was confusing for me, had to be impossible for most of the students.
"Kathy," I called, "aren't these adverbs?"
She snapped, "I'm just trying not to confuse them!"
That was Tuesday. Thursday, she pulled me aside before class and informed me that she didn't appreciate me scolding her in front of the class like that. I apologized and said that I was confused, and that I wasn't trying to make her look bad in front of her students, that I was looking for clarification more than anything else. But she was still annoyed. And later on, when she was teaching them about sounds and disobeying one of the rules that she had written, I gently pulled her aside during a short break and whispered the rule to her.
Again, "I'm just trying not to confuse them!" I have to tell you here that she's apparently one of the best teachers in the county.
So I decided to quit. I obviously have no further value there, and it's a waste of my nights. I'll tell her Tuesday.
At first the experience was awesome. I've volunteered before, once at a local hospice administrative office (it made me feel like death) and a few times for a campaign (which varied from alright to crappy, depending on the company I kept). This was different; the teacher and the students were engaging and it wasn't too exhausting nor time-consuming. It's two nights awake, two hours a class. In the beginning, I was to assist some of the weaker students with just keeping up in class. The county had apparently run out of room in the "beginners" classes, and just started sticking students in the lower intermediate courses, where English just went over their head. One student in particular, Hakeem, grew so frustrated that when I tried to help him with the computer, he snapped "I no speak English!" which is pretty self-defeating. But I engaged him, forcing him to read aloud during class and dialoguing with him. Within just a couple of weeks, he was more comfortable speaking English and was able to practice on his own.
But now that some of the weaker students are more caught up, Kathy, the instructor, pretty much has nothing for me to do. I sit with one student who's more shy than behind and watch Kathy teach for most of the class. It could be interesting, learning English grammar and why, exactly, we phrase sentences the way we do; but it's not what I'm there for. I am there to help her teach. I am not a student teacher.
Additionally sometimes she flat out teaches the wrong thing. Just the other day she was teaching them about adjectives ("the green book," "the big chair") and started teaching them adverbs instead ("he jumped quickly," "she spoke shyly") which, if it was confusing for me, had to be impossible for most of the students.
"Kathy," I called, "aren't these adverbs?"
She snapped, "I'm just trying not to confuse them!"
That was Tuesday. Thursday, she pulled me aside before class and informed me that she didn't appreciate me scolding her in front of the class like that. I apologized and said that I was confused, and that I wasn't trying to make her look bad in front of her students, that I was looking for clarification more than anything else. But she was still annoyed. And later on, when she was teaching them about sounds and disobeying one of the rules that she had written, I gently pulled her aside during a short break and whispered the rule to her.
Again, "I'm just trying not to confuse them!" I have to tell you here that she's apparently one of the best teachers in the county.
So I decided to quit. I obviously have no further value there, and it's a waste of my nights. I'll tell her Tuesday.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A Day Without a Facebook: Day One
I gave up Facebook and Twitter for Lent. There, I said it out loud. And so desperately, in a hopeless attempt to communicate with the outside world, I am blogging. Is this cheating? God I hope so.
I chose to give up Facebook and Twitter for Lent for a few reasons. Number one: I am not actually religious. ("What?" you might say. "Lent is a religious thing!" Is it? I don't care.) So I'm not too concerned with giving up, say, the Seven Deadly Sins, mostly because I am way too awesome to even think about that stuff. (Was that pride? Who cares!) Reason number two: I always look for something that's difficult but not necessary. Like the year I gave up soda, back when I was chugging three bottles a day of that stuff. (My teeth were yellow.) Or the year I gave up red meat, back when I'd have a hamburger every other day. Giving up Facebook and Twitter is going to be difficult for me, but it's not like I need it to function. (Right? R...right?)
So I use Lent as a time to test myself, to try new things, new lifestyles and ideologies, like I'm trying on new clothes in a clothing store. It's safe, because there is a distinct end point- Easter- and hey, everyone else is doing it. When I fail, there's tons of people there to point at me and laugh, which I'll pretend is supposed to be encouraging. Everyone else is going through the same thing that I am going through.
So yesterday was my first day without Facebook and Twitter, without social networking. I prepared for it- I took the Facebook and Twitter app off of my phone and un-bookmarked it on my browser. But within a few minutes I started to twitch. I'd think of a funny comment ("Fat Tuesday and Women's Day are on the same day? Who's brilliant idea was THAT?") and want to post it. Or I'd be reading a really good news article (like anything by Joan Walsh) and by GOD, who was I supposed to share it with? It's not enough that I spend my days aimlessly clicking through profiles of people I never speak to anymore, judging them on their baby daddys, but what about when I have something to say? Now that I'm not forced to limit my wit to 140-characters, how will I express anything at all? (She says, typing away at 96-words a minute on Blogger.)
I chose to give up Facebook and Twitter for Lent for a few reasons. Number one: I am not actually religious. ("What?" you might say. "Lent is a religious thing!" Is it? I don't care.) So I'm not too concerned with giving up, say, the Seven Deadly Sins, mostly because I am way too awesome to even think about that stuff. (Was that pride? Who cares!) Reason number two: I always look for something that's difficult but not necessary. Like the year I gave up soda, back when I was chugging three bottles a day of that stuff. (My teeth were yellow.) Or the year I gave up red meat, back when I'd have a hamburger every other day. Giving up Facebook and Twitter is going to be difficult for me, but it's not like I need it to function. (Right? R...right?)
So I use Lent as a time to test myself, to try new things, new lifestyles and ideologies, like I'm trying on new clothes in a clothing store. It's safe, because there is a distinct end point- Easter- and hey, everyone else is doing it. When I fail, there's tons of people there to point at me and laugh, which I'll pretend is supposed to be encouraging. Everyone else is going through the same thing that I am going through.
So yesterday was my first day without Facebook and Twitter, without social networking. I prepared for it- I took the Facebook and Twitter app off of my phone and un-bookmarked it on my browser. But within a few minutes I started to twitch. I'd think of a funny comment ("Fat Tuesday and Women's Day are on the same day? Who's brilliant idea was THAT?") and want to post it. Or I'd be reading a really good news article (like anything by Joan Walsh) and by GOD, who was I supposed to share it with? It's not enough that I spend my days aimlessly clicking through profiles of people I never speak to anymore, judging them on their baby daddys, but what about when I have something to say? Now that I'm not forced to limit my wit to 140-characters, how will I express anything at all? (She says, typing away at 96-words a minute on Blogger.)
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